Breaking Up

I wonder why breaking up is always painful. Although in a sense, I had seen it coming but still it is painful. Time heals everything, and I just hope that it could also heal my broken heart. If not, then I would be forever tormented by the past memories and the endless questions of what-ifs.

I wasn’t so shocked when I learned that one of my ex had a baby. Knowing her personality, it would be something to be expected. however, I was shocked when I learned that she got married. It was not the ‘what-ifs’ that played into my mind, but instead, it was the feeling of being left behind.

Perhaps, I am really immature. Now that Ester is out of my grasp, I just hope that she will find what she is looking for. It seems to me that I was not good enough for her. I even took the big leap of leaving the seminary for her. Now it makes me look foolish; foolish and stupid.She had always wanted for more but I don’t know what ‘more’ can I give especially after she flatly rejected my proposal to get married earlier this year. Perhaps my dad was right. There would be girls who would just be after my status as a seminarian. Once I lose the status, I also lose the girl.

Now I am lost and I don’t know what to do. After all, I planned my future with her in mind. Now that she is gone, I’m totally clueless what to do next. All I know is that I need to survive each passing day and that is the only reason why I have not sunk into depression. Maybe I’ll find another, maybe not; but still all I know is that I would have to survive for another day.